Russia

Here I am in Moscow, my 3rd day. The first day was simply a struggle to stay awake.
On August 13th, Eliane moved out of the house, and it officially became mine. It was a highly emotional day, with all my dead relatives coming to visit. Jay too. Truly the beginning of a new life for me. Again.
On August 14th at 9am , I was on a plane for NY where I would get on another plane bound for Moscow. I arrived midday on the 15th. The airport was eerily quiet, quite empty. I found a taxi, $100 to the hotel! It was about a 90 minute ride....I was intermittently dozing off, trying to see the "sights". I got to the hotel, and there was the familiar NA sign. Ahhh.........
I registered, got my room, and went for a brief nap. I got up around 8, went to the lobby, joined some friends, found Shane (!) and went to eat.
The next morning I watched the EDM open, and then joined several people, from several countries to visit Red Square. It was stunning. So beautiful. It ended up just Elizabeth and I , felt like old times from the Asia trip, and off we went. Slept for awhile, and then to a meeting at 9, dinner and bed.
So here we are, it is Friday, the convention is opening, and I am finally on my computer. I am so happy to be here. I love addicts, different languages, cultures, this is my happy place. And yes, I am happy.

I DID IT!

I did it. I climbed to the Tiger's Nest.
We started early, leaving the parking lot about 8:30 am. It was a rough climb, Sherab was amazing as he just kept telling me easy does it, slow and steady....(think he learned anything at the rehab???). He was so patient, and was an amazing motivator. Wonder if he might consider a job as personal trainer? Of course, he just walked up, like nothing......
We got to the tea house for tea. He told me that if we wanted to get inside the monastery, we had to leave in about 15 minutes. I was exhausted. I was also highly emotional. Not sure where it came from, doesn't really matter. All I know was the tears were flowing freely, and had a strong sense of sadness. I was more of a letting go. Like that moment where the pain of change is just a little less than the pain of staying the same. I knew I had to let go of all of them. Mom, Dad, Tony, Gram, and Jay. And letting go did not mean they would no longer be with me, it meant that I could let go of the suffering of grief. And in letting go of that, I would let them go. And I could go on, having them in my heart to love always, not carrying the burden of what I did and did not do while they were alive, when they died....all that stuff.
So on we went. I had one moment when I told Sherab how I was feeling and I was crying. He could see how upset I was. He focused on Jay, (I had saved some of the ashes I brought just for this occasion), and encouraged me to continue, focusing on what I was going to do. We would go slowly, slowly, and if the temple was closed for lunch, we would wait. And on we went. We met several people along the way. It is a true pilgrimage. And all of a sudden, we were at the steps. I could see the monastery and I knew I had to go. Even if it was closed, I was going. And we went. We got there exactly at 1pm, and Sherab asked if we could just go into the main temple. We were allowed 15 minutes. More steps. We went in, were blessed by the lama, and then I was able to spread ashes from the "nest".
Words cannot describe how that felt. Not even going to try.

The entire trip was 8 hours. We stopped twice for tea, once invited by some Nepalese followers of the Lama at the nest.

My trip to Bhutan has been life altering. I am truly blessed.

Namaste.

Bhutan, one more day....

I can't believe I have been here almost a week. What an amazing country. I cannot yet post photos, the signal is not strong enough. I have spent a few days in Thimpu, and a few in Panakha. Thimpu was mostly sightseeing, it is a big city by Bhutanese standards. One good hike, but mostly just walking. Not good if I am going to do this climb on Monday! Personally, I think my shoes are too tight, and if I had been smart I would have bought new ones in Thimpu. Now it is the night before the hike and I am flipping out thinking about the 600 steps that come AFTER the main climb!In both directions! My knees hurt just thinking about it. I will do this. If I was willing to climb the Batu steps in Malaysia, this is 200 more!
Enough of the fear talking...In Panakha we attended a festival. Beautiful colors and dancers. I was more taken with the people attending the festival. We had a picnic the second day, as did many other festival goers...I got some really good photos!
We also went to the shopping area. Mostly things for Bhutanese, a few other items, I made a purchase or two. Sherab is happy with me because I have helped the economy here.
One night, I went to a meeting. Jay would have loved it. In a little room off to the back of the rehab drop in center. IP's on the floor, copies of the draft of Living Clean, sweet (hot) coffee and they were passing around cigarettes like, well, like cigarettes! (Cigarettes are illegal here). They asked me to share, so I did. I was so damn happy just to be in a meeting!!! This is the core homegroup in Bhutan. The first group. They meet a few nights a week. The meeting was awesome. The lone woman there asked if I could come visit the rehab.
So of course I was going to do that. Now came the part of explaining to Sherab and Natin about the meeting, the rehab, me, recovery....it was relatively easy, I thought. Until the next day when the questions started. Really, it was awesome. I mean, these guys might never had heard of NA or 12 steps. And when I did go visit the rehab, Teshering (the woman I met) insisted they come in for a tea. Then the Q&A started and it was awesome. More questions on the way to Paro. and i KNOW i am the only client they have ever taken to rehab.....
What an amazing journey. The biggest part of this adventure has been the spiritual aspect. Plus, I am reading the Tibetan book of Living and Dying. I came seeking. I have found....not sure what, more is being revealed daily.
When I find the words, I will blog about this part of my journey. Not just here in Bhutan, the whole thing, starting in Maui.
Gotta sleep....big climb tomorrow!

Bhutan....Let the Flags fly

I am here in Bhutan. What an amazing place. It just feels serene. The International airport, is a small strip, not many planes a day. When we came in off the plane, into immigration, there were 6 lines. One for dignitaries, 5 for everyone else. I chose one, and que'd up. As I was reading the various signs on the wall, the one that caught my eye was that you can only bring 200 cigarettes into the country. I think that is a carton. If you bring more, OR do not declare it, you are considered smuggling. You will be arrested. I already love this place.
I was met by my guide, Sherab. (think Cherub) and driver, Nathan. So nice, so sweet! Off to the hotel, for tea and reception. (Get used to the tea. Pretty much every time you are in a spot for more than 10 minutes, you are offered tea). My only concern is that I am on this tour alone. Their English is good, it would be nice to have someone to ooh and ahh with.  They must find me quite lacking in the vocabulary department, I must have said "wow" at least 100 times today. The scenery is jaw dropping.
My room is quite simple. Lighting is not so good, I imagine it will be quite dark soon. They insisted on having the heater on as it gets quite chilly at night. Hmm...I am the girl who turns the heater off at night in the dead of winter in Missouri. I am thrilled to be in 50 degree day weather, and the 30's at night is not so bad. Simplicity is the key, very like Nepal, without the lack of electricity. And hot water needs to be turned on 45 minutes before you wish to use it. I can do this. Easy. 
One thing this trip has given me, is the absolute knowledge that less is more. With so many deaths, I have accumulated a lot of stuff. I do not need it. One more time I have the incentive to purge and simplify. Can you say eBay? Garage Sale? But I digress....
We went into Paro town, only 25 years old~the town, not the city, and had lunch. An excellent meal of red rice, chiles with cheese (both staples here) steamed vegies, some not so great meat and sausage, chicken curry....must have been 8 dishes. Almost all wonderful. I have found on this trip that when I have ventured to meat, it is the pork and poultry that I am eating. Not much pork here, and they do not fish...it is a Buddhist country so one must not take a life (fishing does tend to kill the fish). There is no slaughtering of animals here. If your cow dies, you can eat it. You can use it's milk. Haven't asked about the chickens' eggs yet. So meat is imported from India. (cow? from India???ok, really confused now...must be yak or water buffalo) That is enough to keep me vegetarian here. Not a bad way to live in general.....
We then went to one of the Dzongs in Paro. Gorgeous. I am going to attempt to post pictures, the signal is not very strong. We went inside the temple. No pictures allowed. So here is what I saw.
Amazing Gorgeous Beautiful Victory flags. Somehow I will get a photo of some of these. And young monks in red robes praying. And in those robes were cell phones. And yes, they were periodically checking them. Technology, meet Buddhism.
We drove on to a fortress that we could not access, there was an earthquake here last year and some things are still in disrepair. On the way, Sherab pointed out the "Tiger's Nest". Nestled on a cliff, Guru Rinpoche was brought here on the back of a Tiger and built the monastery. It literally sits on the ledge of a cliff. Accessible only by hiking I was then informed that we would be climbing to it in one week. Hah! I said! And he said, yes you will. OK, One week should have me able to breathe at this altitude without wheezing....
Ok, so my pictures are taking but when I insert the memory card, they are not transferring on to the computer. Gonna figure this out, and hopefully have pix soon.

Hua Hin...Tigers and Elephants...

What an amazing 2 days I have had. 
Yesterday, I took a 6 hour round trip to the Tiger Temple. My driver, Jack (!), also thought it a good idea to see the National Cemetery where the soldiers and airmen from countries other than Thailand were laid to rest following their imprisonment and servitude building the railroad from Thailand to Burma, and the Bridge on the Kwai River. Then, we went to see the Bridge. I could not help by smile as I heard my dad hum/singing the theme to the movie. He so loved that music!
Then it was off to the Tiger temple. This place was originally a temple where the monks who lived here took in orphaned tigers who's parents were killed by poachers for their fur. Tigers are raised here now. It is unknown for certain if they are drugged, certainly, from what I saw and did, they are not mistreated! I played with the babies, 6 weeks to 12 weeks, and bathed, fed and exercised the older ones, 1-2 years. It was amazing. I will not forget that experience...ever.....
Today I went to the Hutsadin Elephant Sanctuary. There are 6 elephants that live here, ranging in age from 3 1/2 years to 86 years. The oldest was most likely used in building the Death Railway. These amazing creatures are rescued. Some are abandoned here, some brought by owners who can no longer care for them, and for 2 the money was raised to buy them from places they were being mistreated. Yes, you can ride them to see the property. Yes, there is a "baby elephant show". And then there are the animals themselves and the volunteers who love them. 
There are only 6. It is very expensive. They are so well cared for, and nursed back to health. Amazing.
I am here one more full day. My head is already spinning about going home. I struggle to just be here, in the moment. For the most part, I am successful. 
I have learned much about relationships. My relationships and how I view them. Some, are completely unconditional. Those I know are reciprocal, and loving. Some, not so much. All of this has to do with how I feel about the person, not blaming them for communication or lack thereof....It is all an adventure. I have been a loner most of my life, sitting back and watching. As a wise woman once taught me, I do not have to fight every battle, pick one that I can devote myself to and learn from it. I do not have to have every relationship. I will pick those that nurture me, and then in turn, nurture them.
Gonna try for a photo upload or two....

Hua Hin

My last stop, with the exception of one night in Bangkok, in Thailand. I am in Hua Hin, a beach resort in the south. I am on the Gulf of Thailand. I got here after a 4 hour drive from Pattaya. Smooth sailing. So much easier than an airport, baggage, and the whole check in get on get out of an airport. This is an older resort property, really lovely with lounging chairs everywhere. I decided to go get a pedi, finally, and walked to the mall. Went into the first massage/pedi place I came across and had an absolutely wonderful 3 hour dry (!) pedi followed by a massage. So awesome. And finally, my toe does not feel broken. I can actually walk. I walked the mall, had some soup and came back to blog, unpack and do a bit of research on the places I want to see.
Hutsadin Elephant Foundation is one. The Tiger temple is another. The elephants are close, the tigers are far. I will check with the hotel about transportation tomorrow. I am done shopping, Not much else I want, or have room for. Plus, there is a bit of room still left in my luggage for Bhutan.
I am alone on this leg. No meetings in this town. Lots of time to journal and to read and to just be. That is what I need, to just be. Not need, want.
My mind is starting to swirl with a to do list for when I get home. I consciously turn it off, and it starts again. This is a spa, and I purposely booked the spa option. Time for a massage, treatment and a good, old fashioned pampering!

Bangkok....

Still in Bangkok. I have not been out much, this intestinal bug wipes me out and keeps me from being as much of an explorer as I would like to be. Amazing what a little protozoa can do!
I have been gone 53 days. I left on Christmas Eve, and it is past Valentines day now. I miss my kids so much!!! I miss the creature comforts of home (would that be my dogs?) and I really miss my bed. Traveling has it's own routine, mostly that there is none. I am more than half way through this journey, and if it is answers I am looking for, I still do not know the questions.
I do know this, it is time for me to move on. Funny to think that as my last paragraph is how I want the familiarity of home. I have some concerns about my kids. Jacob has found that in order to do what he just did 4 years of school to do, he has to do about 4 more. Len really wants to go back to school, not sure for what. I want them to have a home base, and I want to leave the one they are in. We have some decisions to make. Wherever I go, there will always be a place for them.
LA - the house is big. We can set up rooms for them easily. I am not thrilled about living there for an extended time, I cannot imagine they would be.
Missouri - the house is really big. For one of them, I well know, it is a lot of work and responsibility. It is their home!
School - Len will most likely take this option. Not that much different that what happened to me. Right before I went to college, our house burned down. So, I came back to a place that was not my room. Eventually, it was the same building location, but not the house I grew up in. Jacob could go back to school as well,
I am just now seeing that this particular blog has become more of a journal entry. Welcome to my head......
Hawaii - my favorite option. It's happen. I will get there. Just gotta sell a house. Maybe Jacob will go there before me!

OK back to Bangkok.....
So today we will venture out to a noon meeting. We have some kind of directions, and hopefully can get there. We would also like to take a long tail boat ride, and hopefully, if our health allows, go to the flower market tonight. So much to see.....And we need to go to one of the temples. My preference is NOT the grand Palace...Too much clothing required! But Elizabeth has not seen any, and she is here, she should see something!!!!

Dammit, I am going to will myself well.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

a short update

So glad to be out of Bangladesh.
The forum was amazing....I could go on forever with stories and photos and thoughts and impressions.....it was amazing. And I will write about it when I get the time, internet connection and photos loaded. 
Bangladesh, not so much. Out of the 50 or so participants, at least half got sick. Some sort of food poisoning/bug/nastiness. The only common denominator was the hotel. No one knows for certain, and those who thought they had missed it, didn't. And like those attending the forum, this bug likes to "keep coming back". I am not a medical person, so I have no idea what to call it, other than NASTY!
I left Bangladesh, and its nice little weight loss program, 3 days early, and am in Bangkok. Staying at the Marriott, loving the cleanliness, and the modern toilets. Had a fabulous Thai massage today, 1 hour, 120 baht, gave her 200...she was worth so much more! (That amounts to about 6 dollars. Maybe 7.) Those are the photos to post. The massage school is in a wat (temple) next to the river. The mats are laid out on marble, about 20 of them, and the ceilings are painted murals. It is open air, and absolutely wonderful. I just may have to go back for the 2 hour version.....
Off to explore. I am traveling with my new friend Elizabeth and we are, as she says, giddy as school girls to be out of Dhaka!!!!

Bangladesh

Welcome to Bangladesh! I have been here 3 days. The first day was a bit rough- Dhaka is a city of over 20 million. (yes, Million) people. Thank you William for paying the guy to get us through customs. We got through so fast, we beat our luggage! Then, my ATM card would not work. Tried a few times, (why I thought trying over and over would work...hmmm). Later that night I heard a story of how a friends card was eaten by the ATM. He spent several hours at the bank, and actually got his card back. I doubt that would happen twice!!!!
Anyway, we were picked up at the airport with a huge smile and a van. The host committee at the APF is super efficient. We got to the hotel, checked in, and I took a flying fall across the lobby. Missed a step. I was so tired, so done with crowds and dirt and honking horns....my ego and my knee were bruised, and I really thought I had broken my toe. (It is better today, almost pain free.)
The Asian Pacific Forum is wonderful. Twenty countries, and (yay for me) Bhutan is here for the first time. So I have been able to talk to them and make, or attempt to make, a plan for the last destination. 
To be in a room with members from Bangladesh, Bahrain, Iran, Kuwait, India, Maldives, Philippines, Pakistan, Japan, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam, Hawaii, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Singapore,  Nepal, Bhutan, Cambodia, and I am sure I have left a few out! All discussing how to best carry the message, and help NA grow in all countries. It is so refreshing to hear people discuss how to reach suffering addict instead of hours of policy changes and what "they" did and what "we" didn't get. Right now we are hearing about how the emerging NA communities started and are continuing to grow. 

Last night we went to a meeting of the local fellowship. Held in a school, maybe middle school, with very small desks. We are not all very small people. The universal laughter was contagious. We were not laughing at some one, we were laughing at ourselves, with each other. And there we were. Many different languages. All wanting the best for each other. One thing. That we could learn a new way of life.
Beautiful.
Life is good!

Pohkara

What an amazing day.
I woke up, walked out of my room, looked to my right and saw what the clouds had made obscure yesterday. The Himalaya's. Annapurna was there, Everest is to the east, too far from here to see. S'ok. Annapurna, amazing.
We got a driver and went up to the Peace Monastery. What a walk! What a drive! What a view. Again, the air, the view, the amazing energy of the mountains and the people. I am in awe. I would like to post photos, however, the internet here is slow, and it takes a long time. I will get them posted soon.
And then, there was the meeting.
Grateful. Went to a meeting in Pohkara today. We got a bit lost in our car. As the driver got out to ask, I looked at the buildings across the street and saw a blue sign that read "Narcotics Anonymous Pohkara Area Service". We got out of the car, and in frenzied English asked how to get upstairs. A group of women kept pointing two buildings over. We could not get up to the landing, so I went 2 buildings over. I showed them men there my shirt, the NA symbol, and they told me go go around the back, and up the stairs.
I had a moment where I thought no one would ever see me again. I went anyway, and found the Pohkara HIV/Drug Treatment center. A woman excited said "NA" when I showed her my shirt, and found a young man who hopped on his scooter, led us to the meeting place, bought us tea across the street, and then took us to the meeting.
The meeting was in a school. There were 18 of us, several new people, some members from Delhi and one other woman. I was overwhelmed, listening to several languages, being served hot tea, given schedules and hugs.
And out the window, through the clouds, Annapurna.
What an amazing adventure. And it did not stop there.
The whole meeting went to coffee, and then to dinner.
I am full of love, gratitude, and wonder.

On the way to the Himalaya's.

Last night, we were treated to an amazing dinner by the trekking company I am using for Bhutan. 5 of us ate at a restaurant called Usval. It was traditional Nepalese food, song and dance. Really fun. 
This morning, bright an early, we left by van for Pohkara. Getting out of Kathmandu was a challenge, the streets are very crowded in the morning, with cars and scooters and trucks and buses and people. And we were in a van. We finally got out of the city and started down the mountain. And down, and down, and down, (times a million). It was all switchbacks, and for the first several kilometers, we saw a lot of broken down, or vehicles with accidents or running out of gas. Not exactly reassuring. The road was usually big enough for 2 vehicles, and I remained grateful that we were on the mountain side of the road, not the cliff side. I just kept looking at the scenery, some amazing landscaping allowing the farmers to farm the entire mountain. The mountains was cleared, and then hand stepped for planting. I made an attempt at photos, but the road was so bad that the bumps make it hard to see. Plus, we were still near Kathmandu, and the air is really bad.
As we got further down the mountain, more traditional Nepalese villages appeared. The clothing was more traditional, the homes more traditional, and we saw more and more of what the Nepalese countryside really looked like. The colors are amazing. The reddest reds I have ever seen.
And then suddenly, (actually about 4 hours later), the clouds turned to mountains and we were at the foot of the Himalayan Mountains. They are so high up and so majestic that it took me a minute to realize that they were not clouds!
Now we are in Pohkara, a lovely town that surrounds a lake. We will be here for 2 days and then up to Dhampus for the convention. The air is clean, the guest house has great internet, and when the power is on, all is well.

 

Nepal

Day 2 and a half in Nepal. Arrived late the night of the 28th, checked in at the Kathmandu Guest house and went searching for food. We found a cute place, the Organic Cafe, and ordered a nice Nepali meal. Our server was so helpful, and as we were speaking we thought to ask him to be our guide the next day. He agreed, we got his number, and went back for some well deserved sleep! 
We are staying in the Thamel district of Kathmandu. It was an area made famous in the 60's and 70's as hippies flocked here. You can see the influence. There are posters of Bob Marley, Rock and Roll music, references to pop icons everywhere.
The next morning, we met up with Sirjay, and found a cab. Our cab driver, Givanda was very knowledgeable. We started at the largest Buddhist temple, also known as the monkey temple. It is called Swayambunath. Unfortunately, it is also very commercialized. Where you can see Buddha, the cemetary, prayer rolls, and a gorgeous stupa, there is also a shop for everything. And, although some prove to be quite knowledgeable, when you start listening to a "guide" he will expect to be paid for his time. One started with me, I knew from past experience where this was leading, and went willingly. He was so inviting, and so amusing and the only thing I did not do was take a photo.  
Next stop was Sirjay's room. He wanted us to see where he and his brother lived. We went, knowing that this was a great honor to him. (to him? How many tourists to Kathmandu are invited into a young students home, simply to see it!) We met his brother, and their cousin (?) stayed for a few minutes and went on to our next stop, the Hindu temple, Pashupatinath. This was an amazing stop for me.
One year ago, on the date we were visiting this temple, my father died. When we arrived at the temple grounds, (we could not go in, only Hindis are allowed on the grounds) we walked to the surrounding area, on a bridge over a river. Along side the river were 3 cremations, all in various stages. I was in awe of the blessing I was given to watch this ritual. It is so private, yet so public. I stopped, took some pictures, said a prayer for the living, and we went on. What a blessing that was for me.
After that, we fought traffic for an hour, ( we did not know there were demonstrations going on about the rising price of fuel). Traffic here makes Bangkok look like Washington Mo.
It was a very emotional day for me. 
I miss my dad. I haven't really missed him much this past year. I have been very busy. But now that it has been a year, I can feel the loss. I am feeling very alone right now. I really miss my kids. I miss Jay. I miss my dad. Perhaps finally having some time alone, some time not on the move, I am able to grieve. I need this, as painful as it is.
Tonight, is our last night in Kathmandu. We are being treated to a true Nepali meal by the trekking company I am using for Bhutan. Always an adventure.

Pools, Ganesh, Orchids oh my

Today's adventure took us out of Bangkok, about 2 hours to the South. For your math geeks, or people who like to play with metrics, about 150+ kilometers. It took us a while to get out of the area of Bangkok where our hotel is. Traffic here is a nightmare. The mopeds, motorbikes and motorized bicycles have the right idea. They weave in and out of the stationary cars. Still, every time I find myself in a car here, I think it would make a fabulous video game. And I am not a big gamer. It just feels like something that would be the perfect dodge and weave....
So we get out of town, and drive. And drive and drive and drive. Suddenly, we are in the country. There are hills, and fields. And for my friends back in WashMo, some of the roads we were on make Augusta Bottoms look like a paved highway! 
The pools were nice. Warm- about 40 degrees centigrade. It comes out of the mountain like that. Unfortunately, there were no falls, it is winter and not the rainy season....We soaked a bit, dried off and headed to the Orchid farm. 
On the way, we passed some gorgeous retreats. Resorts. Some with grass huts, some with earth buildings, one with buildings designed to look like Fred Flintstone!!! I did not get a picture of it, there was also a sign we saw 4 times that read:
Feel free to Pray and Meditate at any time.
and we did.
On our way to the Orchid farm, we passed a huge statue of Ganesha. Ganesha is the Hindu God of Success. He was next to a very large Buddha. They share the same grounds. We stopped just for a photo, and found we could go down on to the temple square. There, we were able to purchase a gift for the monks. There was a whole process for this. First, a monk had to come out to receive it. He came out, and dressed himself, using 3 very large orange pieces of cloth. He wrapped the cloth precisely and elaborately about his body. He then sat, and welcomed William and Suni to sit as well. Suni read, in Thai, a prayer, and then the monk began to chant. It was truly amazing. I stayed to the side, having read something about how it was not acceptable for a monk to receive anything from a woman. Although I was not going to hand it to him, I still felt that I did not want to push it, so I asked if I could photograph it all. He said yes, and in the end, invited me to the mat so that I could be blessed with the water as well.
On out way out I saw a large rectangular box with pink pieces of paper stuck on the plastic wrap covering the box. For a donation, one could write the name of a dead relative, as well as ones own name on the paper, (that also had a prayer written on it in Thai), and attach it to the "coffin". I did. Both for Jay, and for my Dad. Quite emotional....
We then went to the orchid farm. Again, I am grateful for the sense of sight. To be able to see the colors in the universe, especially those of the orchids grown here. The photos, do not do them justice. And, I learned, Orchids do have a scent. And it is lovely.
Oh, and on our way home we stopped to eat. Four people, 1 curry,  1 pad thai, 1 pad sey yew, 1 tom kai ka soup. 200 baht. About 7 dollars. We pointed to the prices in the menu, to find out that was the large size (family) where we had single portions. The woman laughed and told us "this is not the city!". We ate for 7 bucks. With tip and drinks, 10. And it was so good......
On a personal note, I am really missing Jay. I cannot even picture him here. I try and try and I can not manifest it in my mind. I know we would have never come to this part of the world, not even for NA. I just miss my friend. My companion. So damn much.....
Now, photos.......

 

What kind of Lotus are you?

What kind of Lotus are you?
Are you, like the unsubmerged Lotus, ready to bloom when touched by sunlight?
Are you, like the Lotus on the water's surface, ready to soon bloom?
Are you, like the Lotus under water, with good will and effort, one day rise above the water and bloom?
or
Are you, like the Lotus stuck in the mud, ending up being eaten by fish and turtles.

(thanks to a Bangkok Times article for the analogy)

Today, I am like the unsubmerged Lotus. I am ready, waiting for sunlight. I am not sure what form the sunlight will take. Perhaps it is my own light, and I am just not seeing it yet.

It was a good day. We went with a couple we met who were from Seattle to the teak Palace. No photos, but look it up on the fotopedia heritage site. It is amazing. Lots of European influence in the interiors, exquisite teak work. We then went to yes, another market, wandering until we found the river, and then the Pier to catch the express boat back. 

A few hours later, William and I went to a New Year Celebratory Buffet. He is a Dragon, so we got a "2 fer". What a feast! Not only traditional Chinese, but Thai and Japanese as well. And, I kid you not, Lox with capers, onions, and dill aioli. mmmmm.

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

For the last 2 days, it has been about Chinese New year. Looks like it will be about the new year for the next 15 days as well! Apparently, the Lunar celebration really started today at sundown, and will continue for 2 weeks.
Last night, after a really really long day at the old City and the weekend market. (30 acres of shopping madness.....)we ventured to Chinatown. Our tuk tuk driver just stopped and told us we were there. We saw the lanterns across the streets so we knew we were in the right place, just not so sure what to do! We wandered around a bit, and finally sat down to order some food. Street food in Thailand is a culture all to itself. 
The food is cooked on or in or next to a cart. If you are at all squeemish about sanitation, you will not like this. Obviously, we paid attention to where we were going to sit, and made a decision to "get what they are having". We ordered, and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited and finally paid for our waters and started walking. And walking. And walking. We found a tuk tuk driver, told him we wanted to eat, somewhere local, and left on another ride through the streets of Bangkok.
Let me stop a minute to write about Tuk Tuk's. They are part golf cart, part dirt bike, part funny car, part gator, and they run on propane. My first thought each and every time I get in one is that this should be a video game. The farther you go in the game, the more motorcycles and pedestrians come out of no where and your job is to not teeple over or kill anyone. And did I mention, these things go fast!!!!
So, we got in a tuk tuk, and went. After what seemed a little too long a ride, I jokingly said that he must be taking us to his uncle's restaurant. About 30 second's later, we stop and the maitre d, greets us with menu's and an order pad. No kidding. It was a seafood restaurant, where you chose your seafood, either while it is still swimming, or on ice, and they cook it. Price is by weight. We had snapper, prawns and rice. It was so good! Amazing. It was possibly the priciest meal we have had, and so well worth it. 
When we left, we made the mistake of thinking we could walk back. Nope. Not so much. Half way there we got a cab. We were pretty close. I was not a happy camper at all. Tired, feet hurting, and so happy to get into bed!
I went back to Chinatown today, alone, and took photos. I went into a Gold store to look at Baht Chains. Just looked. Didn't even touch. Baht chains in 1987 and now are about the difference of a year of college. Gold was $37 oz. Now it is $1600 oz. I bought 2 back then for about $250. I don't think I could have bought one small earring for that price.
Tonight we went to the night market. Finally saw the Dragon dance. About 6 of them. In and out of stores and restaurants. Loud, colorful, awesome. And tonight, I did not have my camera. Sorry......I could get a photo from Google, and then, so can you. So I will post some others.
I am caught up now. Yay!

Friday 20 January 2012

I may actually be able to catch up to myself in a day or two! 
There is so much to see, and so much to do. And it is Chinese New Year, so even more to do. And really, I am so damn beat that it is all I can do to just check mail and go to sleep.
So, here, although it says January 21, I am blogging about the 20th. Hey, wait a minute, it IS the 20th somewhere.....
So in the morning, we were met my Mieu and a driver. She was a gift to us from the Lapidary. No, we did not spend anyone's inheritance. They really just truly liked us. That happens to us a lot!
We started at the Grand Palace and Temple. Very crowded, and full of children on field trips. Everywhere we turned, there was something amazing and beautiful to look at. Mieu's English was not so good, so we could not really understand much, or as much, but we were able to see everything. Spectacular. Really, very amazing. The Palace is not currently inhabited, the King is actually in a hospital, and still working. He is 84 years old, and not in good health. He is truly loved by his people.
Then to the temple of Dawn. It is quite amazing. We climbed the steps to the top. Really really steep steps. I couldn't not do it, even if in my older age, I have become like my mother and heights make me weak in the knees....The tile work, the ceramic work, the amazing attention to detail. And then factor in the age. It is amazing.
Then we went to the Temple of the Reclining Buddha. It was amazing. A 46 meter Buddha. 151 feet long. Really amazing. I will post photos. Words cannot do this justice, and the pictures do not either.
A quick bite to eat, and then back to the hotel. A few hours nap and out we ventured again, taking our chances, walking to find some street food or an interesting looking restaurant. We found a Chinese Restaurant. It was quite fancy, and I believe were a little disappointed that we did not order the feast for 10 people. We did have some awesome rice noodles with vegetables and chicken, and walked back, seeing some awesome street food. Chinese New year will start tomorrow, so maybe a few more days before we indulge.
Looking like I am rambling. I am overwhelmed by the sights and sounds. I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am to be on this journey.
Namaste.

Where do I begin.

First, about yesterday.
We started out on the ferry to the tourist boat, and bought a one way ticket ( we seem to like doing that) to Dock #9 for the Royal Palace. Armed with a map and many warnings by the very nice, very concerned people at our hotel about not speaking to anyone about anything no matter what.....off we went. Within the first 5 minutes, William had struck up a conversation with a very nice Thai policeman, who told us that the Palace was closed until 1:30pm. Our hotel had neglected that part, and it was only 11:30. We showed him our trusty map, and he suggested 2 other places to go while waiting....
The Buddha museum, where the Happy Buddha is. And the turtles. About 300 turtles live in a pond next to the museum. You can feed them, and it is very good luck to do so. He also told us that that day, the Royal Lapidary would be open to the public, which does not happen very often, and that we could go take a tour and look at the gems that the Royal Family...(yeah yeah yeah...no royal jewels cracks here folks....) can wear. Then he helped us get a tuk tuk, with a driver named "Jim" and off we went.
Around the block. The tuk tuk died, and Jim needed a minute to fix it. While we were waiting, a man who was walking by helped Jim explain to us what he needed to do. The man, the Professor, stayed and chatted with us for about 15 minutes while the Tuk Tuk was fixed. He taught Thai history. Told us some more about the Lapidary, and it's special one day opening for the public was this day. Something like that. Tuk Tuk fixed, we went on our way. 
Jim was a speed demon. About as much as you can go on a tuk tuk, which is a special blend of rickshaw, golf cart and go cart. I am not sure my photos do it justice. Jim liked to drive on what we consider the correct side of the road, only problem was that in Bangkok, it is the wrong side of the road. Kind of a big deal for me because I was sitting on the right side.....
The Buddha museum was amazing. The turtles were as well. We struck up a conversation there with a man who came once a year to visit the 102 year old turtle, and his parents. (never did figure out if they were there in spirit, or he visited them somewhere else.). We fed the turtles bananas, using long sticks, and fed the gigantic catfish popcorn.
Then off to the Lapidary. Amazing. We stayed there a while, and made a purchase or 2, (not of the King's jewels, we stayed more in the price range of common people...) and after several hours of looking and choosing, we left. But not empty handed, or without a plan. Nik, our salesperson, got us a car, ( we sent Jim home, long long day....) and we went to dinner. AND had a plan for the next day, today, to pick us up at the hotel and actually go to the Palace, the reclining Buddha and the temple of Dawn. That, is another post.
We took the express (?) ferry back, with the young monks, tourists, families, everyone. Stopped many times, were scolded for standing in the wrong place, and marveled at the activity on the river at night.
It was only about 7:30, but I was exhausted. So off to bed, too tired to blog. I hope to post again tonight about today, it is only 4pm and we have had a really full day. Let's see how late I am out tonight....

Gonna figure out the pictures, and post.

Day 2 in Bangkok

First, let me say that I am on the Thai blogspot website, so if it looks odd to you, you should see how it looks to me!
We arrived late on the 17th. After leaving Maui at 6am on the 16th, getting to Oahu 39 minutes later, and then leaving on a 10 hour flight that left an hour late....only to wait in a really long line in Seoul...
One must go through a transit security station in Seoul. Never mind that we were on a flight out right away, and were late...as were many others, so we waited for them all.....
and then another 5 hour flight to Bangkok.
Arrived at the hotel, and what a lovely property it is!, and went to sleep. Exhaustion doesn't even start to describe it.
The next morning, we had breakfast and made the decision to each have our own rooms, and stay at this hotel until we leave Bangkok on the 28th. It is lovely, and thanks for American Express's website, not as expensive as one might think. Note to self. Even when in the property, check AMEX, and trip advisor for excellent rates. Even the hotel suggested we try. 
I left the hotel bound for Druk Air, also known as Royal Bhutan Airlines. I would finally book the last leg of my trip. Found it, booked it and left the building deciding to just walk. I had a map, and a general idea of the direction the cab had come from. Walked past some amazing looking street food....the smells were fabulous or really really bad. I also came across a guy with his feet in a fish pond. It was a fish pedi. I so wanted to do it, but the new tattoo on my leg had me thinking twice. Perhaps before I go. I did go into a massage "parlor" for an amazing foot massage. 
Thai massage is often done dry. It is a lot of pressure points, and as Nid, my masseuse said, "some pain is good". Yeah. The next day, today, I have bruises. Yep, black and blue marks where her thumbs were! All worth it.
I took a tuk tuk home. My toad's wild ride does not even compare!!!!
Went to a meeting, there were 14 of us, most from the UK, either ex-pats or tourists. One other person from the US, Hollywood!!!! Most going home, no one else doing the convention circuit.
I am exhausted.....today was insane, but I will post about it when I have the strength and awakeness to load the photos, and describe what we experienced. Needless to say, it is a huge adventure. And it is just beginning!!!

Been a while.....

It's been a while. I am staying in a place in Maui Meadows. No internet, just incredible views of both the ocean and Haleakala. I can do without internet. So I am in Paia, at a great place called the Paia Cafe, excellent organic salads, tasty coffee, superb people watching and, you guessed it, free wifi.
The kids left on Saturday. Quite bittersweet. I miss them. I also miss Jay and my dad. And, surprisingly for a cat person like me, my dogs. I have had a few rough patches of loneliness and the overwhelming "what the f*ck was I thinking", they pass, and my day goes on to be spectacular. Yesterday was all about humpbacks. William's birthday is Friday, so instead of dinner at Mama's we went out on Hawaiian Ocean Rafting. 
***Just a funny aside. I remember the name of the outfit because when we first went out with them, they give "boarding passes". Mine was the number 1 on one side and HOR on the other. Whore, I thought? How rude! Jacob and Len pointed out that it was Hawaiian Ocean rafting. *******
We went on the morning snorkel, and almost immediately saw whales breaching. Amazing. Then, off to the first snorkel spot. It was off Lanai in an area that is no longer used for tourists, but in 1986 when I was here with David, this is where we came. we snorkeled off shore, but I knew as they were telling us about the location that I had been here before. The snorkeling was amazing. All I could think was that I was so incredibly grateful for the ability to see. How many of us take sight for granted? The ability not only to see the coral and the fish and the rays of light coming from the sun into the water. And the whales! To see those stupendous creatures!!! Words just fall short. We also saw a Hawaiian Monk Sea Turtles, Spinner Dolphins and lots and lots of whales! Exhausted does not even come close.
No pictures, I was too busy looking to shoot pictures.
So the countdown has started. 3 1/2 days til the day we leave. What will I do with this fabulous life!

Feelings......

It is an emotional day today. Jacob and Len are leaving to go back to Missouri today. It is the end of our "vacation" and the beginning of my travel. William got here onto Maui yesterday, and the discussion of our travels has begun. I think we will compliment each other, if we do not kill each other first!
What is the emotion.....lots of letting go. Letting go of my kids, and the thought that I can control them. Letting go of Jay, this is not something I imagine we would have ever done. This is all me. Letting go of my desire/need/self imposed obligations to take "care" of my family. (read Jacob and Len). This is my adventure. Mine. Just me. Solo if I wanna be. Granted, there are several people I know I will be meeting up with, or meeting for the first time, alone is something I can chose to be or not.  This is me living without thought of what someone else would think. It is me taking risks, if I want to. Going to explore a specific place, if I want to. Staying in my hotel all day, if I want to. 
At the moment, all I want to do is cry. Is this surrender? Is this joy? Is this sadness? All I know is that it is. I miss my kids already. I miss them as little boys. And that, is something they are definitely not.

Just another day in paradise....

Another lovely day on Maui. Why do I not live here? A question I ponder every single day I spend here. At least a few times a day. Today I went a step further and talked to a friend of mine who has lived here over 40 years. He says I have a "way" about me that works well here. Is that that I am unassuming? I think I would be fine here. And I am determined, in this lifetime, to find that out. What do you think? 
Today we spent at big beach. It wasn't very big. Apparently there is a big swell on the north side, not much on the south. Almost flat. We sat and waited a while. Just to be sure there were no waves.....  Yep. None. So we left.
We are all quite comfortable in our little condo. I have found a few places I want to look at. Get an idea of floor plans so if some absolutely amazing place makes its way to me, I know what I am getting.
Wow....53 years old. And starting all over again.....
You are never too old to be young again.

Enough babble....hopefully some day soon, I will have something fascinating to say. This is all just practice as I maneuver the fine art of blogging. Blog. Who came up with that word, and what exactly does it mean?

whales, dolphins, sunsets, oh my.

We went to Lahaina today. Historically, not my favorite side of the island. It was the first place I came for my honeymoon with David in 1986. We stayed at the Ka'anipali Beach Hotel, we had a great time. It was our honeymoon....of course we had a good time. Since then, I have preferred not to visit this side. It is quite touristy, and I had more friends on the South side. But off we went, to check out the harbor, the banyon tree and maybe a beach. 
We were walking on the harbor and I saw a raft looking excursion for whale watches. Neither Jacob nor Len was at all excited about it, (our BWR trip last week was not so great), but I made the decision, we would go. What a great trip. Unfortunately, my camera was back at the condo, Len had his but will not share his pictures yet. 
We saw well over 50 spinner dolphins, and at least 6 whales. We spent a good deal of time with both, waiting for them to re-appear, talking story, and clapping at their antics. 
The best part was the smile on Len's face. I have been waiting days to see that.
We came back and went to finally get some sunset pictures. I think the boys know they are on short time...(BTW, we booked a snorkel trip on Hawaiian Ocean Rafting), and they are getting more assertive about what they want to do.

What a great day!

2012....the journey continues

January 1, 2012. For many people, this is a day of new beginnings. If you are like me, we know that a new beginning can be now.     or now.     or now.  You get the idea. In other words, why should the first day of a new calendar be any different than any other day of any other week of any other month. I digress..
I woke up this morning, finally feeling better...the antibiotics are working. I had a nasty thing. Never really tested for strep, the doc just assumed I had what the other 15 off islanders had. And as far as I can tell, she was right. I feel a lot better. Soaking on the beach in the sun was a good idea too.
So off I went on a 2 mile walk down the beach. It was good to me today. I found some great shells, good glass...I will have quite the collection. I wonder what the beaches in Thailand will bring?
But really, what I want to blog today is how I am feeling as a new year begins. My wish for this year  is that no one close to me dies. I know this is a big wish. And I know that no one "dies at me". A year free of fatal illness and death would be a nice break. I say that all I have left is my kids, not true. I have many friends who live with chronic illness. As I cannot make sure that no one I love leaves, I commit to enjoying every minute I have with those I love.
What am I going to do with my life? About 18 months ago, I was asked by a dear friend..."What are you going to do with your life?". That question has swirled in my head ever since. What am I going to do? What I would like to do is help other people, like me, navigate grief.  On my trip, I hope to learn about other cultures' view of grief. How do they treat their elders? Somehow, my college studies (I have a BA in Cultural Anthropology) and my life experience have brought me to a place where I can do my own "field studies". I would like to "practice" here on Maui, however, So Cal has one of the best grief support centers in the US. So, if I have to stay there a while to sell a house, I will have a purpose. A place to go , to heal, to learn, to share.

Not really a lot of complete sentences today. I just knew I needed to blog.
Hauoli Makahiki Hou!