When at the end of the trail.....

My last night in Hilo. What an adventure it has been. The hot ponds, the turtles, the meditation center, the glow....and let's not forget some amazing Thai curry. Oh, and the avocados. mmmm. This has been good for my soul. I am continuously amazed at the changes I am feeling, inside and out. I am calmer. I am more serene. Nothing, really nothing, is that big of a deal. Tears come, laughter follows.
I see myself on a journey. I am not sure where I am coming from, or where I am going. I am an active participant. I have choices, and make decisions. Each time reassuring myself that I can. I become more confident. I am more aware. I want to be open to the opportunities around me. I heard today that this is not winging it, not "doing it on the fly", rather letting the day take me.
This I know. I am on a couch at Kimmy's, typing on a blog. Not caring if this makes sense or not. It makes sense to me. Right now, that is all that matters.
Ever present is the reminder of the day. The date. This time in 2009, Jay had his 2nd surgery. I was so scared. I had known all was not well. We thought, as did everyone else, that the problem had been solved. Little did we know. My memory gets fuzzy. I write, and delete, not really sure that what I just typed was real. What I know is that my faith was evident in my ability to "cope". I had no idea what was coming. None of us did.

I miss you baby.