The great adventure begins again. I am in Maui, one of my favorite places on the planet. I am here because it is November, my least favorite months. Jay died this month, it will be 4 years on the 14th. I came here for the month, actually starting in Hilo for the Hawaii regional convention. What a great time that was! Now I am in Kihei, playing with beads, walking the beach, doing some work on the condo and just otherwise thoroughly enjoying myself.
It is time to start the blog again....A trip is in the works for Nepal, Philippines, Australia and New Zealand for February/March. I am so excited to have this opportunity again.

Today I hope to give a go at Stand up Paddle. I am not the most balanced Libra in the bunch, so it might be a lot of sit down paddle for me.....

And, time to start thinking about the new tattoo I am planning to get next month.....
"She believed she could, and so she did". that is the front runner right now.....

Aloha.

Russia

Here I am in Moscow, my 3rd day. The first day was simply a struggle to stay awake.
On August 13th, Eliane moved out of the house, and it officially became mine. It was a highly emotional day, with all my dead relatives coming to visit. Jay too. Truly the beginning of a new life for me. Again.
On August 14th at 9am , I was on a plane for NY where I would get on another plane bound for Moscow. I arrived midday on the 15th. The airport was eerily quiet, quite empty. I found a taxi, $100 to the hotel! It was about a 90 minute ride....I was intermittently dozing off, trying to see the "sights". I got to the hotel, and there was the familiar NA sign. Ahhh.........
I registered, got my room, and went for a brief nap. I got up around 8, went to the lobby, joined some friends, found Shane (!) and went to eat.
The next morning I watched the EDM open, and then joined several people, from several countries to visit Red Square. It was stunning. So beautiful. It ended up just Elizabeth and I , felt like old times from the Asia trip, and off we went. Slept for awhile, and then to a meeting at 9, dinner and bed.
So here we are, it is Friday, the convention is opening, and I am finally on my computer. I am so happy to be here. I love addicts, different languages, cultures, this is my happy place. And yes, I am happy.

I DID IT!

I did it. I climbed to the Tiger's Nest.
We started early, leaving the parking lot about 8:30 am. It was a rough climb, Sherab was amazing as he just kept telling me easy does it, slow and steady....(think he learned anything at the rehab???). He was so patient, and was an amazing motivator. Wonder if he might consider a job as personal trainer? Of course, he just walked up, like nothing......
We got to the tea house for tea. He told me that if we wanted to get inside the monastery, we had to leave in about 15 minutes. I was exhausted. I was also highly emotional. Not sure where it came from, doesn't really matter. All I know was the tears were flowing freely, and had a strong sense of sadness. I was more of a letting go. Like that moment where the pain of change is just a little less than the pain of staying the same. I knew I had to let go of all of them. Mom, Dad, Tony, Gram, and Jay. And letting go did not mean they would no longer be with me, it meant that I could let go of the suffering of grief. And in letting go of that, I would let them go. And I could go on, having them in my heart to love always, not carrying the burden of what I did and did not do while they were alive, when they died....all that stuff.
So on we went. I had one moment when I told Sherab how I was feeling and I was crying. He could see how upset I was. He focused on Jay, (I had saved some of the ashes I brought just for this occasion), and encouraged me to continue, focusing on what I was going to do. We would go slowly, slowly, and if the temple was closed for lunch, we would wait. And on we went. We met several people along the way. It is a true pilgrimage. And all of a sudden, we were at the steps. I could see the monastery and I knew I had to go. Even if it was closed, I was going. And we went. We got there exactly at 1pm, and Sherab asked if we could just go into the main temple. We were allowed 15 minutes. More steps. We went in, were blessed by the lama, and then I was able to spread ashes from the "nest".
Words cannot describe how that felt. Not even going to try.

The entire trip was 8 hours. We stopped twice for tea, once invited by some Nepalese followers of the Lama at the nest.

My trip to Bhutan has been life altering. I am truly blessed.

Namaste.

Bhutan, one more day....

I can't believe I have been here almost a week. What an amazing country. I cannot yet post photos, the signal is not strong enough. I have spent a few days in Thimpu, and a few in Panakha. Thimpu was mostly sightseeing, it is a big city by Bhutanese standards. One good hike, but mostly just walking. Not good if I am going to do this climb on Monday! Personally, I think my shoes are too tight, and if I had been smart I would have bought new ones in Thimpu. Now it is the night before the hike and I am flipping out thinking about the 600 steps that come AFTER the main climb!In both directions! My knees hurt just thinking about it. I will do this. If I was willing to climb the Batu steps in Malaysia, this is 200 more!
Enough of the fear talking...In Panakha we attended a festival. Beautiful colors and dancers. I was more taken with the people attending the festival. We had a picnic the second day, as did many other festival goers...I got some really good photos!
We also went to the shopping area. Mostly things for Bhutanese, a few other items, I made a purchase or two. Sherab is happy with me because I have helped the economy here.
One night, I went to a meeting. Jay would have loved it. In a little room off to the back of the rehab drop in center. IP's on the floor, copies of the draft of Living Clean, sweet (hot) coffee and they were passing around cigarettes like, well, like cigarettes! (Cigarettes are illegal here). They asked me to share, so I did. I was so damn happy just to be in a meeting!!! This is the core homegroup in Bhutan. The first group. They meet a few nights a week. The meeting was awesome. The lone woman there asked if I could come visit the rehab.
So of course I was going to do that. Now came the part of explaining to Sherab and Natin about the meeting, the rehab, me, recovery....it was relatively easy, I thought. Until the next day when the questions started. Really, it was awesome. I mean, these guys might never had heard of NA or 12 steps. And when I did go visit the rehab, Teshering (the woman I met) insisted they come in for a tea. Then the Q&A started and it was awesome. More questions on the way to Paro. and i KNOW i am the only client they have ever taken to rehab.....
What an amazing journey. The biggest part of this adventure has been the spiritual aspect. Plus, I am reading the Tibetan book of Living and Dying. I came seeking. I have found....not sure what, more is being revealed daily.
When I find the words, I will blog about this part of my journey. Not just here in Bhutan, the whole thing, starting in Maui.
Gotta sleep....big climb tomorrow!

Bhutan....Let the Flags fly

I am here in Bhutan. What an amazing place. It just feels serene. The International airport, is a small strip, not many planes a day. When we came in off the plane, into immigration, there were 6 lines. One for dignitaries, 5 for everyone else. I chose one, and que'd up. As I was reading the various signs on the wall, the one that caught my eye was that you can only bring 200 cigarettes into the country. I think that is a carton. If you bring more, OR do not declare it, you are considered smuggling. You will be arrested. I already love this place.
I was met by my guide, Sherab. (think Cherub) and driver, Nathan. So nice, so sweet! Off to the hotel, for tea and reception. (Get used to the tea. Pretty much every time you are in a spot for more than 10 minutes, you are offered tea). My only concern is that I am on this tour alone. Their English is good, it would be nice to have someone to ooh and ahh with.  They must find me quite lacking in the vocabulary department, I must have said "wow" at least 100 times today. The scenery is jaw dropping.
My room is quite simple. Lighting is not so good, I imagine it will be quite dark soon. They insisted on having the heater on as it gets quite chilly at night. Hmm...I am the girl who turns the heater off at night in the dead of winter in Missouri. I am thrilled to be in 50 degree day weather, and the 30's at night is not so bad. Simplicity is the key, very like Nepal, without the lack of electricity. And hot water needs to be turned on 45 minutes before you wish to use it. I can do this. Easy. 
One thing this trip has given me, is the absolute knowledge that less is more. With so many deaths, I have accumulated a lot of stuff. I do not need it. One more time I have the incentive to purge and simplify. Can you say eBay? Garage Sale? But I digress....
We went into Paro town, only 25 years old~the town, not the city, and had lunch. An excellent meal of red rice, chiles with cheese (both staples here) steamed vegies, some not so great meat and sausage, chicken curry....must have been 8 dishes. Almost all wonderful. I have found on this trip that when I have ventured to meat, it is the pork and poultry that I am eating. Not much pork here, and they do not fish...it is a Buddhist country so one must not take a life (fishing does tend to kill the fish). There is no slaughtering of animals here. If your cow dies, you can eat it. You can use it's milk. Haven't asked about the chickens' eggs yet. So meat is imported from India. (cow? from India???ok, really confused now...must be yak or water buffalo) That is enough to keep me vegetarian here. Not a bad way to live in general.....
We then went to one of the Dzongs in Paro. Gorgeous. I am going to attempt to post pictures, the signal is not very strong. We went inside the temple. No pictures allowed. So here is what I saw.
Amazing Gorgeous Beautiful Victory flags. Somehow I will get a photo of some of these. And young monks in red robes praying. And in those robes were cell phones. And yes, they were periodically checking them. Technology, meet Buddhism.
We drove on to a fortress that we could not access, there was an earthquake here last year and some things are still in disrepair. On the way, Sherab pointed out the "Tiger's Nest". Nestled on a cliff, Guru Rinpoche was brought here on the back of a Tiger and built the monastery. It literally sits on the ledge of a cliff. Accessible only by hiking I was then informed that we would be climbing to it in one week. Hah! I said! And he said, yes you will. OK, One week should have me able to breathe at this altitude without wheezing....
Ok, so my pictures are taking but when I insert the memory card, they are not transferring on to the computer. Gonna figure this out, and hopefully have pix soon.

Hua Hin...Tigers and Elephants...

What an amazing 2 days I have had. 
Yesterday, I took a 6 hour round trip to the Tiger Temple. My driver, Jack (!), also thought it a good idea to see the National Cemetery where the soldiers and airmen from countries other than Thailand were laid to rest following their imprisonment and servitude building the railroad from Thailand to Burma, and the Bridge on the Kwai River. Then, we went to see the Bridge. I could not help by smile as I heard my dad hum/singing the theme to the movie. He so loved that music!
Then it was off to the Tiger temple. This place was originally a temple where the monks who lived here took in orphaned tigers who's parents were killed by poachers for their fur. Tigers are raised here now. It is unknown for certain if they are drugged, certainly, from what I saw and did, they are not mistreated! I played with the babies, 6 weeks to 12 weeks, and bathed, fed and exercised the older ones, 1-2 years. It was amazing. I will not forget that experience...ever.....
Today I went to the Hutsadin Elephant Sanctuary. There are 6 elephants that live here, ranging in age from 3 1/2 years to 86 years. The oldest was most likely used in building the Death Railway. These amazing creatures are rescued. Some are abandoned here, some brought by owners who can no longer care for them, and for 2 the money was raised to buy them from places they were being mistreated. Yes, you can ride them to see the property. Yes, there is a "baby elephant show". And then there are the animals themselves and the volunteers who love them. 
There are only 6. It is very expensive. They are so well cared for, and nursed back to health. Amazing.
I am here one more full day. My head is already spinning about going home. I struggle to just be here, in the moment. For the most part, I am successful. 
I have learned much about relationships. My relationships and how I view them. Some, are completely unconditional. Those I know are reciprocal, and loving. Some, not so much. All of this has to do with how I feel about the person, not blaming them for communication or lack thereof....It is all an adventure. I have been a loner most of my life, sitting back and watching. As a wise woman once taught me, I do not have to fight every battle, pick one that I can devote myself to and learn from it. I do not have to have every relationship. I will pick those that nurture me, and then in turn, nurture them.
Gonna try for a photo upload or two....